No. You are not going crazy. There are circumstances that keep you in a constant state of change. You are always doing things for others and not ever really focused on one thing. There are so many things going on in your mind that you don’t known what to do. I am not at all too happy with my performance lately either which is why I am giving special attention to myself and not care for the chaos that goes on day by day in this house. I notices lately that I have been forgetting things and misspelling words. The only time I get it right is when I notice it and I am extra careful to focus on what I am doing. We are always so busy here in america and the way they use marketing to implant these messages and fear into our subconscious is not making it any better. What I am telling you is SLOW DOWN and FOCUS! You will be okay.Don’t let people throw their demands on you and stop demanding so much from yourself. Stop trying to do 10 things at once and take on someone else’s load for them. You are overdoing it. Slow and steady wins the race.
The Waning moon is used for banishing and rejecting those things that influence us in a negative way. Negative emotions, diseases, ailments, and bad habits can all be let go and special spells for clearing negative energies from the self, home, ritual circle, tools and so on can be performed at this time. Simply remember that when you remove an energy, you want to fill the void with a more positive energy. So this is also a good time to consecrate the future with what you want it to be as you move forward.
JOHN THE APOSTLE
PATRONAGES: He is invoked against poison. He is also the patron of art dealers, authors, bookbinders, booksellers, and burns. He is called upon for editors, engravers, friendships, lithographers, painters, papermakers, publishers and tanners. He is so invoked for theologians and writers.
It took me some time to get to this point. The point where I realize that all this time I have been dealt blow after blow and never acknowledged it until know. To acknowledge it and deal with each blow and to call yourself out on it and see what the role you and other players have played in this game called life or survival or the fittest, is to be free. I allowed this hurt to curl up in me and rot which over the years has made me somewhat of a rotten person. Remember, it all starts with you. It starts within. Just like good health is from the inside out. You are what you eat. If you eat bullshit or continue to put your energy into the bullshit nothing but bullshit will come of it! Bad enough it is in there (hurt, pain, embarrassment,resentment) like a tapeworm getting all your essential nutrients (self love, peace, happiness) you just keep feeding it wondering why you are not getting full and putting some weight in those curvy places that all the boys like. You are being deprived! After all this time you don’t think you need to go see the doctor? You didn’t think something was wrong? I had to acknowledge it at some point and now I am dealing with it. Feels great! It won’t happen over night but it will I will get there one step at a time.
Why must you be so stupid? As much as I want to get into details, I won’t because if I keep putting energy into these people there will be little to none for me to be productive so I will just ask the question and leave it at that. Stupid.
With everything I just said in my first post I still wish the best for everyone in my family but I refuse to let my family drive me into the ground. I am actually happy because I know in June 2015 I will be officially moving and I really have no intentions on looking back. I can’t save those who don’t want to be saved and help those who are all for one and one for one=/ Makes no sense. I have let most of my friends go and my sister is the only one who I care for. I am done. Maybe then my money will get back on track as well as my sanity. I have been doing my shadow work. Really going within and discovering what it is that makes me happy and what I truly want in life and drama is not on the list.
This is the first blog entry I do and I hate it only because it is going to be so negative. I try to be the best me possible and love everyone but I now see that it is sometimes just best to stay to myself. This is the mood I am currently in so here we go.
My family sucks ass! Yeah they do. I am so tired of people around me who do not want anything for themselves and then want to tell you how to get where you want to go. Excuse me! You don’t have a road map for your life so how in the hell? When people see that you are trying to make changes for the better in your life they will do everything in their power to throw you off your A-game. I am beyond tired! You will miss me when I am gone and when I am finally gone don’t try to look me up I am unlisted and I don’t want to be found. I am falling so far off of your map.