No. You are not going crazy. There are circumstances that keep you in a constant state of change. You are always doing things for others and not ever really focused on one thing. There are so many things going on in your mind that you don’t known what to do. I am not at all too happy with my performance lately either which is why I am giving special attention to myself and not care for the chaos that goes on day by day in this house. I notices lately that I have been forgetting things and misspelling words. The only time I get it right is when I notice it and I am extra careful to focus on what I am doing. We are always so busy here in america and the way they use marketing to implant these messages and fear into our subconscious is not making it any better. What I am telling you is SLOW DOWN and FOCUS! You will be okay.Don’t let people throw their demands on you and stop demanding so much from yourself. Stop trying to do 10 things at once and take on someone else’s load for them. You are overdoing it. Slow and steady wins the race.
To have that clarity that I have long been looking for is amazing! It took me some years to get to this point and I will continue going forward. Things that are hidden will have light shed on them. I see the future me and she is a beautiful woman who knows what she want and knows that if she reaches deep down within she can pull out that strength to help her achieve all of her dreams. She is alone but as long as she knows who she is and she loves herself for 2, is she ever truly alone?
The Waning moon is used for banishing and rejecting those things that influence us in a negative way. Negative emotions, diseases, ailments, and bad habits can all be let go and special spells for clearing negative energies from the self, home, ritual circle, tools and so on can be performed at this time. Simply remember that when you remove an energy, you want to fill the void with a more positive energy. So this is also a good time to consecrate the future with what you want it to be as you move forward.
It took me some time to get to this point. The point where I realize that all this time I have been dealt blow after blow and never acknowledged it until know. To acknowledge it and deal with each blow and to call yourself out on it and see what the role you and other players have played in this game called life or survival or the fittest, is to be free. I allowed this hurt to curl up in me and rot which over the years has made me somewhat of a rotten person. Remember, it all starts with you. It starts within. Just like good health is from the inside out. You are what you eat. If you eat bullshit or continue to put your energy into the bullshit nothing but bullshit will come of it! Bad enough it is in there (hurt, pain, embarrassment,resentment) like a tapeworm getting all your essential nutrients (self love, peace, happiness) you just keep feeding it wondering why you are not getting full and putting some weight in those curvy places that all the boys like. You are being deprived! After all this time you don’t think you need to go see the doctor? You didn’t think something was wrong? I had to acknowledge it at some point and now I am dealing with it. Feels great! It won’t happen over night but it will I will get there one step at a time.
Please remember that I do not need your approval. Please remember that no matter how much you attack subliminally, It is a waste of your time because I truly do not give two fucks and a handshake. My beliefs are not yours and yours are not mine. We could share beliefs but if we don’t oh well. I don’t have to view the world from your eyes. It is the eyes that see but what does your mind perceive? It took me forever to learn how to love myself and the things that to others make me weird but to me makes me unique. You do you and I will continue to be a perfect me. I did not come here for you, I came here for me. I don’t smoke weed OR eat depending on my emotions AND I have not had sex in over a year SO……………………………..Piss off and let me have my space to vent and talk about my religious beliefs. What the fuck do you care? I don’t care if anyone ever comments or likes because I am here for me. Goodbye!
With everything I just said in my first post I still wish the best for everyone in my family but I refuse to let my family drive me into the ground. I am actually happy because I know in June 2015 I will be officially moving and I really have no intentions on looking back. I can’t save those who don’t want to be saved and help those who are all for one and one for one=/ Makes no sense. I have let most of my friends go and my sister is the only one who I care for. I am done. Maybe then my money will get back on track as well as my sanity. I have been doing my shadow work. Really going within and discovering what it is that makes me happy and what I truly want in life and drama is not on the list.